


Theraphosidae

by NavigatorNine



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AU, M/M, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3842821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavigatorNine/pseuds/NavigatorNine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the prompt "You work at a pet store and I came in to look at the tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and it’s loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders and keep periodically screaming when you think you see it.”<br/>Arthur works in a pet store. Alfred comes in to look at the tarantulas. Of course all hell breaks loose. How could it not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Theraphosidae

**Author's Note:**

> I'm currently too lazy to look up the original owner of that prompt, but I will.
> 
> EDIT: I fixed the formatting, so hopefully it's a bit easier on the eyes and no longer a wall of text.

Arthur slumped against the counters and sighed. Aside from the hum of the aquariums, the pet store was quiet. Lately, business had been slow, leading to slashed hours and an unusually empty store. Occasionally, the odd family would wander in so their toddlers could look at the guinea pigs, then leave without buying anything. That, while annoying, would at least break up the colossal boredom. As the hours ticked by, Arthur found himself entertaining a wildly unrealistic fantasy of a militant vegan breaking in and shouting at him, ripping products down from the shelves and releasing the tropical birds.  
That, of course, didn’t happen.

The bell on the door jangled. Arthur lazily pulled himself upright. “Hello, welcome to The Wild Side," he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster (which, at that point in the afternoon, was not very much).

“Hi!” The customer was a bright-eyed young man around Arthur’s age. His blonde hair stuck up in a strange cowlick at the front and his bright blue eyes were obscured behind glasses. To Arthur’s confusion, he stuck out his hand for a shake. “My name’s Alfred. Nice to meet ya!”

Oh, great. He was one of those weird, overly friendly types. Still, at least he didn’t have a toddler with him. “I’m Arthur,” Arthur said, despite the fact that his name was inscribed on his name badge in large capital letters. “How can I help you today?”

“Do you have tarantulas here?”

Arthur’s stomach dropped. Spiders? Of all things? Annoying or not, he’d rather tell off 100 toddlers for incorrectly handling the guinea pigs than open up the tarantula display. “Um...Yeah,” he said hesitantly. “Follow me.”  
He took a somewhat circular route, leading Alfred past the birds and lizards in the hopes that he’d get distracted and forget the tarantulas, but it didn’t work.  
“Here we are. Spiders.” Please don’t ask to hold one, please don’t ask to hold one, please-

“Can I hold one?”

“Well… Technically I’m not supposed to let customers handle the more fragile animals,” Arthur lied. In fact, the store owner had made it quite clear that when the shop was near-empty, it was alright for customers to hold the animals since he’d be there to supervise.

“Pleeaaaase?” Alfred wheedled. “I had a pet tarantula when I was a kid! I promise not to hurt it.”

“Alright, alright. Fine.” Arthur lifted the lid off the terrarium. “Go for it.”

Alfred cautiously lowered his hands into the tank and Arthur realized with a jolt that they were standing at the home of the biggest tarantula in the store. “Fuck me sideways,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” Alfred straightened up, the spider resting in his cupped hands.

“Uh, nothing.” Arthur swallowed and took a step back. “You don’t really strike me as a, you know, a spider person.”

Alfred shrugged, shifting his hands as the spider scuttled over and over them. “I thought spiders were the coolest things ever when I was a kid! Well, them and dinosaurs. But I couldn’t have a pet dinosaur, so my parents bought me a tarantula instead.” He allowed the spider to run up his sleeve and come to rest on his shoulder. “They’re not so bad, they just have a bad reputation.” He glanced at his shoulder. “Isn’t that right? Whoa!” He took a hesitant step forward as the spider scuttled around to his back. “Alright, I guess we should put him back now. Do you think you could…?”

Arthur took in a shaky breath. “Oh, um. Right.”

“I mean, I would, but I can’t reach.”

“Of course.” Arthur grit his teeth and stepped around Alfred’s back. “UM.”

“What is it?”

“UM,” Arthur said again, struggling to find words in a sea of panic. “S-spider- gone-”

“What?!” Alfred yelped. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it isn’t there.”

“Okay. It’s okay. We can find it. We’ll just find it and put it back. Can’t be that hard to find a spider in a little pet store, right? I mean, it’ll be fine. It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“The cat,” Arthur moaned with an increasing feeling of dread.

“What?”

“There’s a shop cat. She was asleep behind the counter when you came in.”

“Okay, well, that’s bad. But it’s okay. It’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.”

“You’ve just said ‘it’s okay’ about 20 times in the past 10 seconds. I’m pretty sure that means it’s NOT FINE!” Arthur barked, green eyes darting around the room.

“Dude. Seriously. Calm down. You take care of the cat and I’ll take care of the spider.”

“Right, yeah. Good pl- OH FUCK!” Arthur jumped back and practically wrapped himself around Alfred. “Oh, Jesus,” he sighed. “Sorry. There’s a pile of cat hair there and I thought…” He trailed off, blushing.

“Okay let go of me now that’s starting to hurt,” Alfred said in one breath. “Just chill out, dude. It’s gonna be fine. Go get the cat before it murders that poor tarantula.”

“Right, sorry.” Arthur let go of Alfred and disappeared behind a shelf of pet care books.

Alfred dropped to a squat and began to peer under the display shelves. “Hmm…” The search revealed several dust bunnies, a penny, and an old scrap of paper, but no tarantula. “Damn.”

Arthur’s footsteps approached, so Alfred straightened up.

“I put the cat in the- Shit!” He jumped back and smacked into the bookshelf. “Oh, god, sorry, it was just dust.” He took a few deep breaths. “I put the cat in her carrier. She’s not too happy about it, but I think she’ll go back to sleep. No luck, I take it?” He stepped away from the shelf, rubbing his elbow.

Alfred raised his eyebrows. “Um, no. Are you really that scared of spiders?”

“They freak me out, okay?” Arthur crossed his arms. “They have too many eyes. And legs. And they’re untrustworthy.”

Alfred laughed. “We’d better get back to work before another customer comes in.”

“Oh, god, you’re right. I’ll look over by the fish tanks.”

“Try not to have a heart attack if you find it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

After ensuring that the fish tanks were a spider-free zone, Arthur took a moment to watch the fish swim lazy soothing patterns in the safety of their tanks. Finally, he heaved a sigh and turned away from the calming hum and gentle blue light. “Any luck?” he called.

“Nada,” Alfred yelled back. “I checked by the lizards and the birds.”

Arthur followed the sound of Alfred’s voice and met him by the guinea pigs. “That only leaves the pet supplies section and the cash register.”

“Alright, I’ll take the supplies shelf, you take the register. Break!”

They went off in opposite directions.

Arthur half-heartedly poked around the area near the cash register. The cat, as he had predicted,had fallen asleep in her carrier. He spared her a fond look before peering behind the register.  
“Ah, shitfucking!” he hissed, drawing his hand back from what, at second glance, turned out to be a vaguely spider-shaped mass of wires and dust.  
He bent over, resting his head and chest on the counter. “Alfreeeed!” he called. “Unless you find it, we’re totally fucked.”

“What?” Alfred shouted. “Hang on!” He made his way over to the counter. “Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Same here.”

"Well that’s just great. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?"

“Ummm. Look again? Maybe it moved.”

“And if we still don’t find it?”

“Look again again?”

“Oh, god.” Arthur straightened up and buried his face in his hands.

“Look, if we can’t find it, I’ll just pay for it. I mean, this was mostly my fault.”

“But. When it dies, I have to get rid of the body.”

“Maybe one of your coworkers will find it.”

“Maybe.”

“Here, let’s start at the spiders section and look again.”

“Mmm.” Arthur came out from behind the counter and followed Alfred back to the spiders, still musing on how he was going to handle the inevitability of finding a spider corpse sometime within the week. Or, oh god, what if he found it alive?! What if he somehow brought it home with him? What if-

“Oh. My. God.” Alfred’s surprisingly deadpan tone brought Arthur back to earth. “Arthur, look.” He pointed to the glass tank.  
There, nestled comfortably under a piece of wood, was the spider.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Arthur took a moment to stand there, slack, mouth open in dull surprise before replacing the lid on the tank. “I can’t believe-”

“I know.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So, are you interested in buying the eight-legged hellbeast?” Arthur finally asked.

“You know, I’ll have to think about it.” Alfred shifted his weight. “Um, I was going to do this earlier but I guess now is as good a time as any. Would it be alright if I asked for your phone number?”

Arthur gave it to him without a second thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about 1) tarantulas 2) pet stores 3) working in retail.  
> I wrote this in my 4 hour lecture class because I was bored out of my skull.  
> I did proofread this, but I may have made made some typos after typing it out, so feel free to point those out.


End file.
